is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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