I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
