Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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