It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
