The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
