What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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