So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
