There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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