Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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