I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
