Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
