Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Come share oat with me in your robe
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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