What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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