come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
