On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I lost the right to judge tonight
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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