i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
