he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
