Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
