Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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