The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
