don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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