guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I love you. Go after that dick
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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