Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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