Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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