You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
