went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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