dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
