I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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