i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize