the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
