Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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