I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
