I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
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