Just mADE A PArabola og urine
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
do herpes really smell.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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