keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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