note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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