People with herpes should wear stickers.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
