I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
