sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
