why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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