There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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