just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I need a beard to bite.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
