I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I love you.
Bad choice
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