you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
