Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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