Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
