I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
