Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
