he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I will pee on everything he values.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
