i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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