This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
