so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
