ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
