Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
