Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So vagazzling was a success
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
