I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I am naked and annoyed.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
