Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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