New invention idea: vibrating tampons
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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