Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
