They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We have started to decorate penises.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
