if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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