this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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