i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
